Millennial dads lapping their fathers on diaper duty and doctor visits
Millennial fathers are becoming far more involved in childcare compared to older generations. Scholars told Straight Arrow that it’s all a product of society.
An analysis in macroeconomics publication Home Economics found that millennial dads are outpacing older generations in time spent on childcare, according to numbers sourced from the American Time Use Survey. The rise comes as groups like Pints and Ponytails become popularized and parents advocate for better subsidized childcare and parent-friendly leave policies.
The analysis also comes at a time when parents report spending more money on childcare than on other necessities.
“It’s no longer the norm that fathers are out of the household and mothers do the childcare, but it’s more balanced,” Aziz Sunderji, strategist at Home Economics, told Straight Arrow on Wednesday. “It’s a huge change from where it was 50 years ago.”
For fathers at the age of 30, millennials reported spending 80 minutes on childcare. The time decreased as it traversed generations. The biggest gap came between Gen X and Baby Boomers, with the latter spending just over 40 minutes and the former nearly 80 minutes. Fathers from the Silent Generation spent about 20 minutes on childcare at that age.
Sunderji said the data accounts for gay men and single fathers.
The reported time spent still doesn’t match up to women. While millennial fathers spent 80 hours at the age of 30, it was below the amount that Baby Boomer mothers spent on childcare.
“They’re doing 40 minutes less of work time, they’re typically commuting for less time if they’re not at the office,” Sunderji said. “Other ways they’re saving time is they’re sleeping less. When I see that dads are sleeping less, I relate to that.”
He added that compared to men without children, Millennial dads are spending less time watching television or doing leisure activities. They’re spending more time on childcare, domestic activities and household duties.
Sunderji said that women still out-rank men in how much time they spend on childcare and are typically doing high-stress activities like homework, taking kids to appointments and such. Dads are more involved in sports and engaging with their children’s hobbies than women.
“It’s a change in identity and expectations that you’re supposed to be involved in your child’s lives,” he said.
Societal changes affect parents
The increase in time that millennial men spent with their children didn’t happen out of nowhere. Instead, things shifted as people began to look at children as “projects that need to be managed,” University of California-Irvine Sociology Professor Nina Bandelj told Straight Arrow.
The project isn’t about disregarding a child as a person, but about people adopting the understanding that children need multiple forms of care for sustainable development. Bandelj said that’s a combination of organizing activities, taking them to sports, supervising playtime, leisure time and teaching them responsibilities.
“What mostly contributed to why fathers are getting more involved, too, is that we celebrate involved fatherhood,” she said.
That’s evident on social media, where an array of accounts show men attending haircare sessions, opening up about the mental load of fatherhood and advocating for paternity leave.
For Kevin Seldon, he’s been the one in his family to be more expressive with his emotions than his wife. It’s a common theme he’s learned from talking to other fathers and learning the yearning they have to teach their children emotional control. Seldon is the founder of the “Dad I’d Like to Friend” podcast and the national support group Dads Supporting Dads.
Men who are emotional and affectionate with their kids in the same fashion as women are, are still judged. It happened when Tom Brady kissed his son back in 2018.
“There’s so much shame and questions put on dads,” Seldon said. “They’re considered sketchy whenever they’re showing affection with their kids, which is absurd.”
Bandelj said social media celebrating fatherhood influences more men to feel supported in being more involved in their children’s lives.
“There’s a change in understanding of the role of women and men in society more broadly, and involved fatherhood is something to aspire to want to be involved in because it means a lot to oneself,” she said.
Pandemic changes parenthood
The COVID-19 pandemic served as a big driver of how parents changed their approach to raising their children. All who spoke to Straight Arrow said it catalyzed a shift in family life, with parents spending less time in the office and more time at home and with their kids.
“In 2024, you see a big jump in the time dads spend with their kids,” Sunderji said.
He noted that a similar shift happened between 1990 and 2000, but not to the degree seen during the pandemic. A spike didn’t play out for women, who already spent more time on childcare than men.
Still, Sunderji said the pandemic forced people to reevaluate how they spent and live their lives, which trickled down to families.
Seldon was more frank.
“On your deathbed, is your job going to hold your hand?” he said. “Is your boss going to be there holding your hand? Are you going to wish you worked longer? No, you’re gonna want your family there. You’re going to want your partner there.”
Parenthood changes with gender
How parents raise their children is often tied to traditional family stereotypes. That’s evolved over time, Bandelj added, as more fathers opt to be more expressive with their emotions and show them openly in parenthood.
Meanwhile, women have increasingly taken a more aggressive approach to their careers to request raises and seek out promotions.
“We have been more embracing of emotionally expressive, masculinity, involved fatherhood, male roles,” she said. “That’s something that our society has embraced.”
But she cautioned that with these changes, there’s still a lag in how parents are supported, overall. The current level of support in terms of paid leave, childcare costs and wages is going to drive parents to greater stress, which can break families.
The phrase many people use to say that parenthood is an “unpaid job you can’t quit” is something that should be examined. Bandelj said that if people look at it that way, then there needs to be changes to support families.
“It’s not sustainable,” Bandelj said. “It can’t keep going. It’s really bringing families to the breaking point.”
Round out your reading
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Ella Rae Greene, Editor In Chief
